It was already half past seven and I was running late again for the dinner appointment with my wife, Eleanor. We hadto meet at the restaurant at seven o'clock. I felt a little uneasy, but to my,I had a good excuse: A business meeting hadand I'd wasted no time getting to the dinner.
When I arrived at the,1 apologized and told Eleanor I didn't mean to be late. She screamed, "You never mean to." Well, Itell she was angry. "I'm sorry but it was not," I said. Then I told her about the business meeting., my explanation seemed to make things worse, which started to drivemad as well.
Several weeks later, when Ithe situation to my friend Ken Hardy, he smiled, "Youa classic mistake. You're stuckyour own way of thinking. You didn'tto be late. But that's not the point. What isin your communication is how your lateness affected Eleanor." He pointed out that I focused on the intentionEleanor focused on the result. Thus,of us felt misunderstood and crazy.
Thinking more about Ken's words, Irecognized the root cause of such disagreement. It's the result of the action that really.I should have started the conversation by expressingmy actions affected Eleanor andthe discussions about my intention for later, much later and even never.
Later on, after talking to Eleanor and reallyher experience of the results of my lateness, I've managed to be on time a lot more frequently.
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